<Conceptual Machines> Godfried-Willem RAES 1968-...

 

This page describes machines that I have conceived over the years and for which, in many cases, I have often made lots of technical drawings, sketches and designs. However they share the property that I finally decided not to build them practically.

1.: 'Musical Water Closet'

1972: A water closet is made such that when the user flushes, two ghetto-blasters start screaming the most popular pop-music of the moment. The music should sound from the exhaust throat of the WC..
2.: 'Royalty Decapitation Robot'

1973: A pattern recognition program is developed to discriminate royalty. On the recognition trigger from this piece of software, the robot comes into action by seducing the royalty member to lie down on the guillotine bed, where the automated axe-cutter cleanly decapitates the royalty member.

3.: 'Crucifix Robot'

1975: Three christs in cast bronze are removed from their crosses. Through the hole in the feet a long spring is attached. The other end of the spring is attached to a pulling solenoid driven by a circuit with low frequency, modulated around the longitudinal resonance frequency of the spring by a very low frequency oscillator. Everytime the oscillator frequency matches resonance, very wide excursion of the upside down suspended christs will be observed.

06.: 'Modderfucker Robot'

1997: The inspiration for this never to be made robot came from the Asmaat culture in New Guinea, where it is common practice to fuck the mud of the earth as a ritual. The robot is conceived as a 2-arm 2-leg device with an solar powered electropneumatic penis moving into the earth.

07: 'Jewish Robot'

1979: Because I thought of this design on a sabath, this robot was even never conceived.

09: 'Nunn Stripping Robot'

1980: This robot is placed in the neighbourhood of monasteries and churches in the former east block countries (Poland, Lithuania...) , although it could be placed in the west as well however in that case with low efficiency. It is highly sensitive to black clothing and head covering black caps. It really gets excited on the recognition of crosses hanging from necklaces.

10: 'Shador Pulling Robot'

1990: This robot is suspended over sidewalks on public streets in civilised countries (one should provide mass production of these robots) and actions as the name suggests: whenever women pass under them wearing shadors, they pull them off and automatically cut them to pieces. The pieces can be recycled by sending them off to the paper making industry.

11: 'Quran Substitution Robot'

1998: This robot is a simple piece of software that takes the entire quran (koran) as an input and gradually substitutes words with much more meaningfull alternatives, such that at the end of the long process it becomes a exciting porn novell.
12: 'American Flag Burning Robot'

2006. Sixteen solenoids hold a small american flag mounted such that the flagpole has a pivoting point. If the solenoid is activated, the flag is pushed down into a gas flame, ignited together with the solenoid movement, such that the flag is set to fire.

When all flags are burned, they have to be replaced.

The robot is midi controlled and uses a single PIC microcontroller, type 18F2525. The midi commands ought to come from a disgustingly real american Apple computer.

13: 'Moneytron Robot'

2011. Two rubber rolls start rotating and taking money bills. Behind the rolls is an overheated oven burning the bills. Oxygen is expelled from the oven. A small chimney connected to the external world exhausts the gasses and fumes, ignited with a computer controlled sparking mechanism. The flames coming out of the chimney cause a pipe resonator to sound. The lower the value of the bill, the more popular and poppy the melody will be. Really great music comes out with bills of 1000$ or 1000 Euro. The author is not responsible for the makers of this robot when they get arrested and sentenced to years of emprisonement. It is unlawfull to destruct money in capitalist societies.

14: 'Islamic Robot'

2016. A simple robot equiped with a microphone and some audio-analysis software. Whenever it hears an explosion, it shouts Allalu Akhbar through a megaphone...

15: 'Corrupt Oboeplayer Killer Robot'

2019. A simple robot equiped with face recognition software capable of recognizing the face of the totaly corrupt oboist and union representative that undermined the structural subsidy for the Logos Foundation as a member of the advisory commission. It simply kills him with his own reed cutting knive, but not before ruining all his reeds.

16: 'Autodecapitation Robot'

2024. A simple robot equiped with a guilotine and a credit card operated mechanism. If one wants to loose ones head, he simply lies down on the flat bed, inserts his credit card in the reader and thus activates the solenoid holding the blade. All money left of the credit card automatically will be transferred to the account of the Logos Foundation, in support of the development of new and better robots.

Last update: 2024-01-22 by Godfried-Willem Raes